Joe Knetter – Approach with Caution!

Joe Knetter

I wasn’t sure how I was going to approach or even open this interview with Joe except to say his work especially his book “Zombie Bukkake” is almost like that box of chocolates that sits there in the corner, whispering to you “come on, you know you want to taste me” and when you do you feel guilty and dirty but yet you like it!  As I said, Joe's writing especially is going to feel dirty but sure as hell your going to like it. Its a good job Kewel World likes dirty and we definitely eat chocolate until we are slimy and wet, so lets talk shop with the man, the myth, the legend that is Joe Knetter.

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Joe where did it all begin your liking with horror and all things dark?

 

If I had to go back to one moment, one thing that got me into horror and things that are a little fucked up it probably has to be the first time I ever smelled a goat’s pussy. You know really shoved my face in there and inhaled deeply, basking in the glow of its satanic slime shoot. Uh…yeah. Guess that was a little over the top and not at all true, although I did get my scrots cut open by a goat at a petting school when I was a kid. I wasn’t trying to smell its pussy though…it had a dick.

Horror was always a part of my life growing up. I remember watching movies, reading mags, drawing pictures, always finding myself doing something involving the genre. My Uncle Mike would let me rent any film I wanted so I never had to sneak around. My family were all fairly young so they were into the horror films and I just caught the bug. I guess I liked the feeling of being scared. Plus I was a goofy little fuck so it made sense for me to be a little out of the norm.

What are you currently working on or have in the pipeline at the moment?

Zombie BukkakeI ate some Chipolte (for those of us UK and Ireland bound…an American chain of Mexican Grills) earlier in the day so I’m sure that’s being worked through my pipeline. From what I can tell it’s going to be released tomorrow. I love Chipolte…it’s my fave, so, if anyone reading this works there or has access to coupons and shit hit me up.

I always have a handful of things I’m working on, some I can talk about and some I can’t. I still have high hopes for Hallow Pointe, a werewolf film I wrote a few years ago. It’s gone through a few hands and I’d love to see it get made and it seems to be finally heading that way. The Syfy channel featured it on their show Monsterman last year and it got some decent plugs and press. It’s an old school werewolf film that is brutal and bloody but I feel the characters really shine through. I’m very excited about that one. I have an anthology horror script that I’m just beginning to send out looking for a home. All the story’s work together well and I think it would be a fun thing to have made. It deals with suicide, ghosts, demons, ouija boards and assorted other creepy things. All the stories intersect at various points and I think it would be killer to have a different genre director tackle each story and see how it all comes together. I always have a few scripts laying around that need homes also so if you’re a filmmaker out there looking for a script I may have something for you. I should also add I’m working on a shark script at the moment, it’s pretty cheesy shit but fun. I love shark movies.

I have to be honest and say I have only glanced over your writing and am still at the first bite stage but its on my review list, from what I have seen its dark, gory and disturbing – all the ingredients for greatness! Have you always been into writing and in particular this genre and style or are you really hiding some romance and comedy works under your bed?

I’ve been writing for about 10 years. It was just something I randomly decided to try. I’ve been lucky that a bunch of people have read my shit, and a few dozen actually really like it. My stuff tends to be pretty fucked up. As a reader I’ve never read anything that really scared me but I’ve read things that disturbed and grossed me out…so I guess that’s probably why I lean that way. I try to give everything a little bit of story though instead of just gross out stuff. Although my story “For the love of Orsen Welles fat black ejaculate” really has no redeeming qualities at all.

Fiction wise I stick to horror. Script wise I’ve also written a comedy so I like that stuff too. I love to laugh. Most my horror also has some humour in it. My most recent short story collection titled “Room” is probably the least fucked up of all my books. Not that it’s mainstream, the stories just came out a little more straightforward. It’s got decent reviews and I’m very happy with it so who knows. Maybe I’m on the cusp of selling out. Or maybe I’ll write something really nasty next.

You have been acting in films for a little while now, how did this come about and which would you prefer to be known for; your acting or writing?

I’ve been able to meet people at the conventions and made some connections that have got me some gigs. I don’t take the acting too seriously though. It’s fun and I have a good time doing it but writing is really where it’s at for me. I tend to play killers, stoners or perverts so that’s always a great time. I’ll take roles as they come to me but I’m not actively out there looking.

From my experience of marketing and converting books to Kindle, I know it’s possible to make a nice living from that area; but what about independent film making and acting is it financially viable or is it an expensive hobby ?

Joe Knetter and Sarah French

Making a living doing Indie film is very hard. Most people have day jobs…shit you’d be surprised how many Hollywood genre peoplehave day jobs to help pay the bills. The money can be so hit and miss. No one is getting rich doing it…well that’s not true, a few have struck gold, but most do it because they love it and they are still chasing that dream and that’s great. Everyone thinks if they make a movie, write a book etc…they will be rolling in the dough and that doesn’t happen. You have to be smart and realistic. You can make a living on it but it takes a lot of drive and just as much luck. Another challenge is the amount of people that are willing to work for free. It makes it so in the Indie world many people expect it and are shocked and offended because you ask for money. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t all about the money, but people should be paid for their time. My girlfriend Sarah French deals with it all the time. Some filmmakers get really upset and pissy because she won’t fly herself there and work for free. I have really decent rates; I’m not trying to get rich. I typically will work around the budget but there has to be something.

Is there anything that scares you these days or any tales from the past? I remember when I was young and holidaying in Ireland my cousins told me of a man that lived in a local huge sports stadium that stuck needles into himself, so they preceded to take me there at night and left me to find my own way out through the tunnels, so to cut a long story short, its scared the shite out of me and I am now minus a few relatives!

There are a few things that scare the hell out of me. But I won’t tell anyone. I’m not going to risk some fucker springing it on me thinking they are being funny. I will share one though. I’m very scared, shall I say, terrified of ladies coming up to me and showing me their tits. So if any ladies out there want to freak me out just pop out those fun bags. I promise I won’t like it 😉 If you can lick your own nipple that is even worse.

Finally, where do you see yourself in 5 years time ?

Hopefully somewhere warm and happy doing what I love. I have quite a few friends out in L.A. so we're hoping to make the move out there. I’d like to have one film I wrote come out and really like it. I tend to nit-pick my own shit. It would be nice to just be completely happy with one.

Joe before we finish we always ask some fun questions

Room by Joe KnetterIs there any scary movie role you would love to play?  My dream is to work on a Friday the 13th film. That’s my favourite series. I’d give my left nut (not the right, that’s my good side. It’s like a mini nerf football) to even be an extra.

Have you been known to sing in the shower or bath?  I sing all the time. Especially when I’m fucked up. I don’t take baths cause I’m too much of a massive slab of manhood to fit in a standard tub but I sing in the shower all the time. Usually cheesy shit.

Would you trade Sarah French for:

A. a pot of gold;

B. a bicycle;

C. French Fries; or

D. you would not Trade Sarah French because you would have no one do the washing?

What kind of French fries are we talking…not those hollow Mcd’s things. I guess it doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t trade her for the world…actually I would trade her for the world. If I owned the world I could just bring her back to me. She wouldn’t have a choice. I think that’s the best answer. I love that chick.

Is there any item of clothing you wished you never had worn ?  There is one shirt, it pops up in convention pictures from a few years ago…it’s black, Hawaiian style with gambling shit on it. I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s horrible.

 

USEFUL LINKS

Website: http://joeknetter.com/

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